We saw him as a whiner, a Debbie Downer, an Eeyore.
He claimed he was venting. He believed it was his right to get his thoughts and feelings out of his head so he could move on. He wasn’t wrong. I wanted him to feel like he could vent. The problem was he’d moved from venting to whining. What’s the difference?
Venting is a healthy means of letting loose of the pressure that is building up inside. It comes from the idea that a pressure cooker needs to be vented so that it does not blow up. That is a good idea for all of us when we are stressed out or angry about something that is out of our control. But venting a pressure cooker happens once. It is not a continuous, never ending process.
This guy was not venting. He was telling everyone he met what was bothering him. He went from office to office, meeting to meeting, day after day and unloaded his issues on others. In other words, he was whining. The more he whined, the more he damaged his reputation inside the team and the more he dragged everyone else down. People started avoiding him. They tuned him out when he spoke at meetings. They began to talk about him behind his back.
I had to pull him aside and let him know the damage his attitude was doing to himself and his team. The problem was he didn’t see it. He felt like it was his right to unleash his negativity on the people he ran into each day.
The ironic thing was, some of the things bothering him were legitimate. But people had stopped listening because whining became who he was. To paraphrase Aristotle, “You are what you consistently do.” We all saw him as a whiner, a Debbie Downer, an Eeyore.
Again, venting is about getting the negativity out of our system so we don’t blow up. It is not a license to wallow and whine. Once we vent, we need to choose Positvity.
Positivity: Displaying a positive or “Can Do” attitude in all circumstances.
The circumstances don’t change as a result of venting, but our attitudes should. What are we going to do in the midst of the circumstances? What are our solutions to make things better? How are we going to make the situation better even when others are whining?
Our attitudes are a choice. After venting, it is time to make a different choice.
Question:
- How can you and your team move from venting to Positivity?
- When is the next time you can set a positive example for others?
FINALLY!
Becoming a Leader of Character Audiobook is available on Audible. If you are an Audible user, then order it here:
You can also order on Spotify and Apple!
Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books.
That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales.
Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks.
While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity.
Order now on your favorite platform:
Character Counts!
Dave
