VLOG – The Humilty to Say “I Suck” at Something
Admitting your weaknesses does not hurt your credibility, it strengthens it. It is the naive leader who thinks that admitting weaknesses hurts their credibility. If you want to build your credibility, watch this 94 second video to see how the Courage and Humility to say “I suck” at something builds your credibility. FINALLY! Becoming a Leader of Character Audiobook is available on Audible. If you are an Audible user, then order it here: Order Audiobook on Audible You can also order on Spotify and Apple! Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in theSix Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: Character Counts! Dave Order Audiobook on Audible Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple
Leaders of Character Do Not Settle for What is Easy
The easy way is a cop out for leaders. I can succumb to taking the easy way. I let internal arguments be settled by what seems the easiest. At those moments, I have to realize that the hard thing is what a Leader of Character decides to do. It is easier to: stay in my comfort zone. do what I think is right for me. stay quiet when others make poor choices. Work on my priorities instead of helping others. Tell people what to do instead of coaching them how to do it. Join in the gossip instead of changing the narrative to something productive. When you have a choice between easy and hard choices, what choices do you make? Those choices will either bring you closer or further from your calling to be a Leader of Character. There is nothing easy about exercising character. But it is a leader’s Duty to choose the harder path. Duty: Taking action based on your assigned tasks and moral obligations. When reading stories about great leaders like Abraham Lincoln, Dietrich Bonnhoeffer, Margaret Thatcher, and other leaders, I never see them taking the easy way. They all saw their Duty and did it even when it was the harder choice. Our day to day lives give us opportunities to choose the harder things. Everyday we have opportunities to choose between: Courage or comfort Humility or pride Integrity or hypocrisy Selflessness or selfishness Duty or unreliability Positivity or negativity The more we choose the hard things in life, the more we grow and become the leader we are called to be at work and at home. Fulfilling our moral obligations is usually harder than what the average person chooses to do. But a Leader of Character is not willing to settle for being an average person. Our workplaces, our homes, and our society need people who choose to do the hard things that others avoid. My hard thing today was to step out of my comfortable situation and make a difficult phone call. What will your hard thing be today? I want to encourage you to be the person you want to be by choosing the hard things in front of you. When you make that choice, you will be choosing a better version of yourself and a version of yourself that others will trust, believe in, and follow. Question: How often has choosing the easier thing gotten you in trouble? FINALLY! Becoming a Leader of Character Audiobook is available on Audible. If you are an Audible user, then order it here: Order Audiobook on Audible You can also order on Spotify and Apple! Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in theSix Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: Character Counts! Dave Order Audiobook on Audible Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple
VLOG – What NOT to Do If You’re Having a Bad Day
Everyone has a bad day. But how do we behave when we are having a bad day says something about our character. What choices we make can prove us to be selfish and negative or prove that we are a Leader of Character even in our bad days. Watch how I break this down in this 110 second video. FINALLY! Becoming a Leader of Character Audiobook is available on Audible. If you are an Audible user, then order it here: Order Audiobook on Audible You can also order on Spotify and Apple! Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in theSix Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: Character Counts! Dave Order Audiobook on Audible Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple
What If We Started By Giving Others the Benefit of the Doubt
Everyone else is not stupid. People who disagree with me are not evil. When someone makes a mistake, they are not incompetent. A person who has a different opinion is not dumb, uneducated, or trying to screw everyone else over. Unfortunately, the lower versions of ourselves jump to these conclusions about others. Even when they are someone we live with, we let our sinful, human nature assume the worst about them. When we jump to those negative conclusions, a few things happen and none of them are good. We don’t try to understand their point of view. We shut down any chance of productive problem solving. We fail to learn new ideas that they could provide. We damage relationships and break down trust. We become further and further alienated from those with whom we work and live. Everyone becomes less flexible, open minded, and teamwork dies. There is another way to approach these moments. However, they require both Humility and Positivity. Humility: Believing and acting like “it’s not about me.” Positivity: Display a positive or “can do” attitude in all circumstances. It’s a simple solution that could reverse the trends in our relationships and in our society. What if we just gave each other the benefit of the doubt? If we stopped making assumptions about the other person’s motives and assumed their best intentions, imagine where conversations could go. Imagine how people on opposite sides of an issue could begin with some common ground. Sales and Operations Command Staff and Union Representatives Christians and Muslims Democrats and Republicans Parents and Children Husbands and Wives Just because they are on “the other side” does not mean they have impure or bad motives. Now we can all agree that their point of view is coming from a different perspective than our own. But what if we started to try to understand where that perspective came from instead of making poor assumptions about their motives? “Help me understand where you are coming from…” “That hasn’t been my experience, but I’d like to hear about yours….” Imagine the productive dialogue that could happen when we begin by giving each other the benefit of the doubt. When we exercise the Humility to understand them you will see the acrimony that always seems to be just below the surface, go away. We will become civil. We will understand. We will still think good things about the other person even if we still don’t agree with them. Negativity between the two sides will become Positivity needed for people to find a way to make things work. The “Can Do” attitude will prevail and compromises will get done. We just need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Question: Wouldn’t you like more people to give you the benefit of the doubt and listen to you? FINALLY! Becoming a Leader of Character Audiobook is available on Audible. If you are an Audible user, then order it here: Order Audiobook on Audible You can also order on Spotify and Apple! Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in theSix Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: Character Counts! Dave Order Audiobook on Audible Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple
VLOG – Extroverts – Pride and the Humility to Shut Up
“Just shut up!” is a quote I’ve heard to often in my life. I am like a lot of extroverts out there. I need to exercise the Humility to put other people first and SHUT UP. Watch the 97 second video below to hear more. FINALLY! Becoming a Leader of Character Audiobook is available on Audible. If you are an Audible user, then order it here: Order Audiobook on Audible You can also order on Spotify and Apple! Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in theSix Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: Character Counts! Dave Order Audiobook on Audible Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple
Emotional Decisions are Usually Poor Decisions
Your emotions will deceive you and cause you to fall short of your calling as a leader. I felt like roasting him! He was one of the most irritating peers I ever had. He was stubborn and full of himself. And in this case, he did not know what he was talking about. When I challenged him, he came back with a personal comment. I almost came across the table. But, I didn’t….this time. Unfortunately, I did let my feelings get the best of me a year earlier. In a very similar exchange, I got up from my chair and started moving towards his side of the table. My good friend and colleague, Mike, quickly stood up and brought calm back to the situation. It was an embarrassing moment for me. One that I vowed to learn from. Emotions can be a leader’s downfall if they don’t learn to control them. A leader who allows their emotions to make their decisions may get people to comply with their demands. But that leader will never be the Leader of Character those people want to commit to following. That leader will be inconsistent and cause people to walk on egg shells and not take risks. Your emotions will deceive you and cause you to fall short of your calling as a leader. It may not be as stupid as a physical altercation, but operating based on emotions will cause you to make unwise decisions. Anger: Will cause you to say the wrong thing at the wrong moment. Self Pity: Will cause you to turn inward and not pay attention to others. Frustration: Will cause you to roll your eyes or make hasty decisions. Impatience: Will cause you to jump in when others are figuring it out. Fear: WIll cause you to micromanage to avoid a loss of control. There is power in the pause. Taking that moment to step back from our emotions and ask ourselves, “What would a Leader of Character do right now?” At that moment, it is a leader’s moral obligation – Duty – to fight against an emotional choice. Duty: Taking action based on our assigned tasks and moral obligations. It is your Duty to filter your emotions and decide if emotions will make the decision for you or will you exercise Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and/or Positivity despite how you feel at that moment. It will not be easy to avoid those emotional responses if you are in the habit of letting them win those battles inside you. But, when you pause and make the choice that a Leader of Character would make, I promise you it will get easier the next time you do it. Pretty soon, you will have a new habit that will make you the leader you and everyone else will want to follow: A Leader of Character. Question: When was the last time you made an unwise decision based on your immediate emotions? Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
West Point’s 4th of July Prayer for Leaders
Forty-one years ago this week, I entered the United States Military Academy at West Point. We were the Class of 1988. In our first week, we had to learn the West Point Cadet Prayer. Jump forward to today. The Class of 2029 has begun their journey as part of the “Long Gray Line” and the West Point Cadet Prayer is still an important guide for today’s cadets. In honor of Independence Day and the men and women who serve allowing us the freedom to speak and to pray as we see fit, I would like to share The West Point Cadet Prayer. Before you read it, ask yourself: “What challenge does this prayer offer me? Whether you are a person of faith or not, this challenge is open for you. Duty – Honor – Country. These three core values of West Point have stood the test of time for the last two centuries. The West Point Cadet Prayer is used by graduates as a reminder of these and other values which are meant to form the character of our nation’s future leaders. I would like to welcome you to let this prayer challenge you as you and your family reflect during our nation’s holiday. The West Point Cadet Prayer “O God, our Father, thou Searcher of human hearts, help us to draw near to Thee in sincerity and truth. May our religion be filled with gladness and may our worship of Thee be natural. Strengthen and increase our admiration for honest dealing and clean thinking, and suffer not our hatred of hypocrisy and pretense ever to diminish. Encourage us in our endeavor to live above the common level of life. Make us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong, and never to be content with a half-truth when the whole can be won. Endow us with courage that is born of loyalty to all that is noble and worthy, that scorns to compromise with vice and injustice and knows no fear when truth and right are in jeopardy. Guard us against flippancy and irreverence in the sacred things of life. Grant us new ties of friendship and new opportunities of service. Kindle our hearts in fellowship with those of a cheerful countenance, and soften our hearts with sympathy for those who sorrow and suffer. Help us to maintain the honor of the Corps untarnished and unsullied and to show forth in our lives the ideals of West Point in doing our duty to Thee and to our Country. All of which we ask in the name of the Great Friend and Master of all. Amen” From our team to you and your family, Happy Independence Day! Dig Deep Question: How many different character challenges does this prayer present to you, your family or your team? What portion of the prayer challenges you the most? Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – The Courage to Trust First – Even Though You Could Get Burned
Nobody trusts somebody who doesn’t trust them. Yet, even though many leaders want to be trusted, they don’t trust their people first. Could you get burned? Yes. But without trust, your team will never go beyond being average. It depends on the Courage of the leader to trust first. Watch the next 87 second video to hear more. Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
Leaders – What If You Are Wrong?
Believe it or not, sometimes leaders get it wrong. All leaders are wrong sometimes. Do you know why? Because they are human. We are human, and we are not perfect. So why do some leaders refuse to listen to others? Why do some leaders resist changing their plans when somebody brings them new information? Why can’t we all just start from a point of view “I could be wrong.” The answer is: Pride. The success that leaders have experienced in the past often causes them to cross the line from confidence into unbridled pride – in other words, arrogance. It’s a lesson I have to learn again and again. I work with very smart and wise people on our Becoming a Leader of Character team. But, I realize there are times when my confidence turns to arrogance. I may have an idea or a strategy that I love. I get excited and lay out a course of action. But, when they challenge me, instead of listening to them, I dig in my heels. I want what I want. I see their input as a challenge, and I like to win challenges. Therefore, I shut them down or shut them out. This is the ugly side of me and maybe a lot of leaders out there. But what if we did it differently? What if we started out by asking ourselves, “What if I am wrong?” Exercising Humility and having the self awareness to realize that being wrong is a possibility will help us in a lot of ways. People will feel affirmed and important. They will bring us a new perspective that we don’t have. We will encourage them and empower them to be part of the solution. They will trust us more because they know we make decisions with more complete information. We will avoid preventable mistakes. We will become wiser because we have more input from wise people. The team will be better. Our families will be better. The only reason to not adopt the “What if I am wrong?” perspective is arrogance. We are too proud to admit our own potential for mistakes. We are unwilling to be challenged by others. We are blind to our own shortcomings. If more leaders began by asking themselves “What if I am wrong?” imagine the productive dialogue we’d have among leaders in politics, businesses, government agencies and in our homes! Imagine the positive give and take between people who make critical decisions. Imagine the buy-in to those decisions once they are made. It just takes some Humility from the leaders. Question: When was the last time you let yourself believe you might be wrong? Did it build up or tear down your relationship with others? Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
Is Being on Time Really That Hard?
Choosing to work on your chronic lateness is a good place to work on your character. Why are some people always on time and others are always late? Sure there are unforeseen circumstances that can make anyone late. But there are certain people we all expect to be late. It is predictable. It is also annoying. There is not a “late gene” that makes being late unavoidable. Some personalities are less organized than others. In fact, I am that person. There are a lot of people who know me who will snicker at my difficulty with remembering specifics and dealing with little details. But, I also have a reputation for being on time, even early, for everything. From personal experience, I know that my personality does not make me late. It could contribute to being late if I don’t care about being on time. But, I am intentional and overcome that disorganized part of my personality. People who are consistently late are not fighting a hereditary issue or a personality flaw. They are fighting an issue of character. The issues are selfishness and pride. The antidotes are Selflessness and Humility. Most of us who are on time can describe the selfishness of always being late. They don’t see how their lateness affects others, or they don’t care. They believe their time is more important than our time. They refuse to put in the same amount of effort as we do to arrive on time. But how are these people losing the battle against pride? They know they have a problem, yet they choose not to work at getting better. They apologize and then do it again the next time. People who refuse to grow in areas of weakness, make it all about them. Some of you reading this are probably saying, “Dang! Dave must have had someone show up late recently.” Maybe. But we all know those people. Maybe that person is looking you in the mirror each morning. I want to encourage you! You can get better at this. Your willingness to work on this bad habit tells others you do care about them and you recognize you should and can do better. Winston Churchill once said, “Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.” Being late may seem like a small thing, but it is these small choices that we make that set us up for success in the big moments to come. Deciding to grow in this small area is a window into your character. It is a window because you are choosing to put others first and exercise Selflessness. It is a window because you are deciding that being late is not “good enough”. You can get better and you see the need to make those changes. People don’t consider us reliable when we can be counted on in some areas and not in others. If you want to be a reliable leader, coworker, friend or parent, choosing to work on your chronic lateness is a good place to begin working on your character. Question When someone is always late, do you think of them as reliable? What damage does their lateness do to your relationship with them? Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
A Leader’s Integrity – What You Allow You Condone
Standards and values test the leader’s Integrity. When I work with individual leaders and entire organizations the problem is rarely a lack of standards and core values. The problems arise from the leadership who are not upholding the standards and values they claim to have! I tell people all the time: “What you allow, you condone.” A leader who claims to have standards, yet doesn’t enforce those standards, doesn’t really have standards. A leader who claims a set of core values yet doesn’t correct people who operate outside those values, does not have core values. It doesn’t matter what standards or values you claim to have. Talking about standards and values means very little, if you allow people to behave outside those standards and values. Each time a leader claims to have standards or values, they are setting themselves up for an Integrity test. When those tests come along, will we pass them or will we fail them? Some leaders are wishy washy. Sometimes they exercise Integrity and hold the line and at other times they don’t. When a leader lacks consistency, then the people are unsure of what is important. They begin to play CYA (Cover Your A ). And they stop trusting the leader. Nobody trusts a person who says one thing yet does another. That is the definition of a hypocrite. This is just a short reminder to the leaders of teams, departments, companies and families out there. What you allow, you condone. Be consistent and correct behaviors that operate outside the standards and values you claim to believe in. The more those behaviors fall short, the more the team, the department and the family slide away from being who you want them to be. As the leader, it is your Integrity that’s being tested at that moment. Pass the test and you’ll be leading a team and a family that makes you and the people proud. Questions Are you consistently upholding the standards and values you claim to have? If not, how does this impact your own Integrity? Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
You Aren’t Who You Think You Are
You are who your actions prove you are! Who we think we are only reflects our own point of view. What I think about myself and who I am are often two different things. All of us know people who don’t see themselves clearly. They think they are funny, but they are not. They think they are good listeners, but they are not. They think they are selfless, but they are not. What they think about themselves is not aligned with how they actually behave – what they actually do. You have to DO what you want to BE. You can think of yourself in one way, but if your day to day actions don’t prove that you are that type of person, then you are deluding yourself. You may think you are courageous, but if you consistently avoid uncomfortable situations, you are actually something else. You may think you are humble, but if you consistently need the spotlight, you are actually something else. You may think you have Integrity, but if you use white lies to get out of uncomfortable situations, then you are actually something else. If your actions are not aligned with who you think you are, it may be time to reconsider who it is you are and who you want to be. Yes, becoming the person you want to be STARTS with thinking about it. But that is only the start. For example, if you decide you want to become a more selfless person, it starts with thinking about it. But then you need to talk about it with others in order to understand what you can actually do to exercise Selflessness. The next step is then to take action and do what selfless people do. Each time you make the choice to take action and be selfless and do what selfless people do, it will become easier to make that choice again. With each choice you make, you are closer to making Selflessness a habit. And once those selfless choices are automatic (think muscle memory), that is when you have actually become that selfless person. You see, thinking selfless thoughts is not enough. To truly be selfless we must actually do selfless things on a habitual basis. That is what actually makes us selfless. All the Six Habits of Character: Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity become part of our character the same way – through action. So my encouragement to you is, stop thinking about being that person! Go out there and actually DO what you want to BE! All it requires is taking all that thinking you’ve been doing and actually putting it into action. Each time you take action and exercise that Habit of Character, you are another step closer to building that habit and actually becoming that Leader of Character you’ve been thinking about becoming! Question: Who do your actions prove that you are? What new choices can you make to start becoming who you want to be? Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
Memorial Day Tribute to Donnie – KIA Operation Desert Storm
My best friend, Donnie Tillar, was the one who convinced me to go to West Point. Donnie was a year older than I was. Thanks to his persuasiveness, I joined my childhood friend at West Point as part of the Corps of Cadets. We both served in Operation Desert Storm. Every year, as Memorial Day approaches, I think about him. Because of his influence in my life, I want to share my Memorial Day tribute to Donnie. A Memorial Day Tribute Donnie’s Blackhawk helicopter was tragically shot down during the last hours of Operation Desert Storm. In February of 1991, Donnie passed away. Yet, it would not be until several weeks later that I received word, as we did not have the luxury email back then. My father, The General, was the one to let me know what had happened to Donnie. I kept a journal while I served in Operation Desert Storm. Below is an entry from my journal which I wrote on March 14th, 1991—the day I found out about Donnie. I was a young, brash and broken 25-year-old 1st Lieutenant in the Field Artillery when I wrote it. I shared this same journal entry at a memorial service I organized with some high school friends, back in May of 1991. I now share it every Memorial Day Weekend here. Memorial Day is a day reserved for our men and women who have died in service to our country. It is a day to thank those men and women and their families who have sacrificed so much so you and I have the freedoms we enjoy. In honor of Donnie and the other brave men and women of our country who died in the line of service, I want to share the following with you: Day 151 In Country 14 March 1991 Today, I cried. I screamed. I shook and a part of me died. I got a letter from Dad telling me Donnie Tillar had been killed when his Blackhawk was shot down over Iraq. The details are sketchy as to when and what mission he was doing. I’m just so shook up by the whole incident. Donnie and I go back to 7th grade. We were inseparable. He’s the closest I ever came to having a brother. Dad said he learned in Vietnam it was always the best ones who got hurt. Now, I know firsthand the true cost of war. In a way, I idolized Donnie. He could accomplish anything he wanted to. He was the best athlete I ever knew. He could play any sport. He was smart. He made the Dean’s List constantly at West Point without really seeming to try. He could dance. Man, could he dance. The ladies loved him. I loved him. I still do. When I heard the news, I couldn’t stop sobbing. I grabbed my Walkman and walked about 2 KMs. Then, for about an hour and a half, I just walked in circles. I yelled, I cried and I sang. I listened to the Rolling Stones Hot Rocks. Donnie loved The Stones. I sang at the top of my lungs, by myself in the middle of the Arabian Desert. I talked to Donnie as if he was there. After a while, my mind turned to our adventures together. I began to smile. Then, I found myself laughing and crying at the same time—if that is possible. I returned to my vehicle in a state of numbness. But, I began to tell everyone and anyone, Donnie and Dave stories. They just flowed out of me. There was the time when Donnie and I got his parent’s car stuck in the snow ON TOP OF THE SKI SLOPE. Then there was the time Donnie and I drove away on his motorcycle with a case of champagne after work at the Hotel Thayer. Donnie and me made trips to Stowe skiing and I thought of the hell we put his Dad through. And then, there was the story about how every time we’d go out together, Mrs. Tillar would roll her eyes when she found out he would be with me, while my mother did the same when she knew I’d be with him. Now the beat goes on. I will tell people about my best friend, Donnie Tillar, for the rest of my life. My first son will be named after a true hero and a true friend—Donaldson Preston Tillar III. I am going to have a party for him. In his honor, I want to gather his old friends and old loves together for a big blowout. He’d love to be there. But, he’ll be in a much better place. All we can do is raise our glasses and drink a couple for a man who touched all of us. A man with a penchant for fun. A man we will all miss. A man I will fondly remember as the brother I never had. Today, I have a 28-year-old son named: James Donaldson Anderson. He and his twin sister were born 6 years to the day (March 14, 1997) after I originally wrote this journal entry. In November 2012, Donnie’s younger sister Lani got married. I had the honor of officiating her wedding and being with her whole family. Donnie was there too. We all felt him. Remember our fallen heroes and their families. Not just on Memorial Day, but every day in your prayers.
Do These Two Things Before You Have That Hard Conversation
Friction sharpens the blade. Unproductive conflict is everywhere. We see it modeled in Washington DC and on our cable news shows. We see it modeled in businesses and in households. Unfortunately, these poor models have left many people unprepared or unwilling to engage in conflict. In fact, people often believe conflict is a bad thing. But, it is friction that sharpens a blade. However, the secret to producing a sharper blade is not just about applying friction, it is also about the angle that blade is applied to the sharpening stone. When it comes from the wrong angle, that stone will damage the blade or in another case leave it unchanged. There are many books and seminars on how to engage in conflict. We even spend a day teaching the topic, Communicating with Character. We spend time talking about the mechanics of engaging in productive conflict. But there are two steps we start with that are critical to being sure the conflict is productive. And those two steps are dependent on two Habits of Character: Courage and Humility. Courage: Acting despite perceived or actual risk. Humility: Believing and acting like “It’s not about me.” The first step to communicating with character when facing conflict is actually exercising the Courage to engage. Too many people avoid these situations. They gloss over the issue, make it seem like it’s no big deal, or they just kick the can down the road over and over again in hopes that it will go away. (But it rarely does….) This is like laying the blade flat on the sharpening stone and applying as little pressure as possible on the edge of the blade. That knife will not get sharp. That knife might not get damaged. But the lack of friction will cause it to dull over time and become useless. It takes Courage to step into a situation that may make you uncomfortable. It takes Courage, to engage a person who may not be open to your conversation. It takes Courage to communicate with character at the moment a Leader of Character is needed to step up and speak up. The second step to Communicating with Character when facing conflict is exercising the Humility to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Too often, people enter into a difficult conversation ready to fight. They make assumptions about the other person’s motives and decide that in order to win, they need their point of view to win the day. They see the other person’s motives as less than their own. They believe there is purity and Integrity in their own motives, while the other person’s motives are less pure and less honest. That approach is synonymous with pulling the blade across the sharpening stone at a ninety degree angle. There will be friction. But that friction is going to dull the blade quickly and could make it useless in the long run. The damage we do, when we assume our motives are better than theirs, sets us up to damage the relationship and therefore make it dull and useless in the future. But if you start by exercising the Courage to engage in the conflict and then exercising the Humility to see the other person’s motives are as valid as your own, the opportunity for a positive outcome skyrockets. The current situation becomes more manageable and future conflicts become less contentious. Win/win scenarios become real possibilities, and both parties walk away from the conflict sharper – better. But it all needs to start with Courage and Humility. Question: When have you seen someone avoid conflict out of fear or discomfort? Did the situation improve by doing that? Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
What Did You Learn from Your Last Failure?
“What did I just learn?” When you fail, you have two choices. You can wallow in that failure or you can learn from it. It is your choice. The wisest people, the most successful leaders, do not see failure as the worst thing that can happen. They see failure without learning as the worst thing that can happen. When you have failed and you learn nothing from that failure, you waste life’s greatest learning laboratory. Failure is essential to learning. You didn’t learn your math tables, how to drive, or become an expert in your field because you did everything right the first time you tried it. You failed once, twice, maybe multiple times. But each time you failed, you learned something new and grew. That is how you got good at that thing. The problem many people have is that they see failure as a personal indictment of who they are. They believe that whatever they just failed at doing, will be their undoing. Some people try to hide their failures from others and may even delude themselves into thinking it was out of their control. When someone brushes past a failure and moves on like it is no big deal, they have just doomed themselves to mediocrity. When we pass the buck and say, “I couldn’t control it.”, we are convinced we have nothing to learn. Therefore, we stop growing. I see it happen on teams all the time. I get to work with engineers, bankers, lawyers, entrepreneurs, cops, and fire personnel. I see many of these trained professionals walk away from a situation, a project, or an incident and miss the critical last step in the process. The last step they, and all of us, should be doing is stopping and asking ourselves: “What did I/we just learn?” If more individuals and more teams paused after a failure and asked themselves this question, we would have a lot more wise and successful people in our midst. I called failure life’s greatest learning laboratory. But, so many leaders and teams ignore that opportunity to learn. Lot’s of times it is that individual’s pride that prevents them from taking a step into that lab. They do not want to face their shortcomings now, so they set themselves up for more failures in the future. A project, a mission, an incident is not complete until you stop and ask yourself, “What did I just learn?” I had a coach who never berated me or dwelled on my failures. He just asked me, “What did you just learn?” He would not let me off the hook either. He forced me to stop and evaluate my thoughts, my words, and my actions before he would let me move on to the next thing. As a result, every success AND every failure became a learning laboratory that prepared me for the future tests I would face. In the military they call these After Action Reviews. These are used by teams at the end of every mission – the successful missions and the screw ups. In fact, the mission is not completed until the AAR process is done. That ensures that every team and every team member is focused on growing and becoming wiser before the next mission. If you want a free PDF outline of an AAR process, just email us at info@alslead.com and we will send it to you for you and your team to use. Question: What failures have you learned from the most? When can you institute a personal or team AAR? Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: (Audible is coming soon!) Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audible: Will be available in the coming weeks. We will let you know as soon as Audible makes it available.
