VLOG – The Seagull Leader – Pride and Poor Communication
Have you ever run into a Seagull Leader? They are leaders who fall short because their pride gets in the way – especially when they are communicating. Watch the next 82 seconds of video to learn how to avoid becomning that Seagull Leader who settles for squaking in the wind. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
If You Are Inconsistent – They Won’t Follow
When we work on our consistency, we are working on our character. “Walking on eggshells.” “Not one of her people.” “Never knowing where we stand.” Her team didn’t trust her. But, that was not the leader I knew. I had met her three years earlier at a work event. Later we would become peers. She was smart, capable and truly cared about her people. However, her team was not responding. The team wasn’t bad. It just never rose above average. She wasn’t overbearing. She wasn’t disorganized. She wasn’t incompetent. But, she was inconsistent. As I think about her and the things I heard from her team, I now see those same things in many leaders I advise. I see inconsistent leaders in the business world, law enforcement, and in the fire services. And I see them at all levels of leadership. The issue is not usually an issue of competence. It is an issue of consistency. The fact is, if a leader is inconsistent, people will comply, but they will not commit. Here are four cases when a leader’s inconsistency damages trust. 1. Emotions: Some leaders may act like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That is a leader ruled by their emotions. Nobody knows what version of them will show up on any given day. A leader needs to control their emotions. I did not say be emotionless. But, if you show you can’t consistently stay in control of yourself in a difficult moment, people will hide information, avoid your presence, and play it safe. You will never get real feedback from anyone on your team. 2. Standards: Other leaders are wishy washy with standards. Some standards they enforce and others they don’t. That leaves people guessing what the real standards are, or if the standards are truly important. A leader who claims to have standards needs to reinforce those standards. I am not talking about running a prison gang. But, I am talking about people knowing where the lines are drawn and being able to count on the leader to do something when the line is crossed. People trust leaders who follow-through on their promises, including when they say something is a standard of behavior. 3. Time: If leaders aren’t careful, they may find themselves spending time with the same small group of people and leaving others wondering if there are favorites. When that question creeps into a team, the leader will lose the team. It is natural to enjoy spending time with certain people on your team. But, we must recognize that everyone deserves our time. Perception is reality. If we spend time disproportionately with certain people, others will believe we have favorites. We need to schedule time for everyone. Even if it is just for check-in phone calls. Giving someone our time is a critical way to build trust. 4. Praise: Most people are doing 90 percent of their job, pretty well. If there is little praise in the workplace, or if it only lands on certain people, people will wonder if the leader is paying attention. They will wonder if the effort is worth it. The team will stop going beyond the minimum. It is easy for a leader to focus on the mistakes. But people need to know the leader sees the good stuff too. We can even recognize good motives or the effort behind those mistakes. But we must be sure to pay attention to all that is going right. People will comply with a leader who corrects them. People will commit to a leader who corrects them and encourages them. And if they are doing more good than bad, our coaching should reflect those facts. If a leader does not pay attention to their emotions, the standards, where they spend their time, and how often they give praise, those things will happen inconsistently. Consistency takes intentionality. Being consistent and building committed teams requires leaders to exercise: Courage: Acting despite perceived or actual risk. Humility: Believing and acting like “it’s not about me.” Integrity: Doing what is good, right, and proper even at personal cost Selflessness: Putting the needs of others before my own needs, desires, or convenience. Duty: Taking action based on my assigned tasks and moral obligations. Positivity: Displaying a positive and/or “can do” attitude, in all circumstances. In other words, when we work on our consistency in these areas, we are working on our character. Question: Emotions, Standards, Time, Praise: where do you struggle? How does inconsistency hurt relationships at home? Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – The Moments We All Get to Exercise Courage
Physical Courage in the military and first responders seems like an obvious need. But we all have opportunites and the need to exercise moral Courage. How we do that is what the next 105 seconds of video is all about. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
Wise Leaders Say “No” to Themselves
Everything inside of me wanted to defend myself. Saying “No” is easiest when we say it to someone else. We stop and think through their actions and evaluate the long term effects their choices have on them, others, and even the whole organization. But too many leaders do not give their own actions the same forethought. They allow themselves to be ruled by their emotions or their instincts and then find themselves cleaning up a mess of their own making. Saying “No” to ourselves is critical for leaders if they want to become Leaders of Character. Our feelings and our instincts will betray us. There is always a moment in time where we have a choice. Sometimes that choice means we just have to say “No”. In my career, I had an employee who I hired and coached dutifully. I liked this person and believed they had the potential to thrive in their role. But, over time, it became obvious they were not suited for the job. Despite the time and coaching they received from me and others, they did not perform. Therefore, I had to make the tough decision to let them go. When they left, they made some hurtful and untrue comments to others about me and how I treated them during their time on our team. Everything inside of me wanted to defend myself. I had a reputation that they were damaging. I couldn’t believe that they would say the things they were saying after all the time we spent together. At that moment, I had to say “no” to defending my actions and explaining what really happened. If I had, I would have let my instincts and my feelings make an unwise choice for me. Refusing to listen to our lesser self makes us wise. Our lesser self tells us: I deserve this or I don’t deserve this. I don’t feel like it today. I am tired. This is just who I am. Notice the pronoun involved in those statements. When it is all about me, we usually make decisions that drive us away from wisdom. We define Humility as believing and acting like “it’s not about me.” Saying “no” to ourselves means we place something or someone else before ourselves. Refusing to listen to those voices that make it “all about me” is never easy in the moment. But we all know that the impact of saying “yes” in those situations is the rarely the right thing to do. I am not talking about ignoring how you feel. But we can’t let ourselves make decisions without running our choices through a filter. That filter includes our values. What do we stand for? And also who do we want to be – our character. Knowing our values – “what do we stand for?” And defending our character – “who do we want to be?” will provide us with the filters we need to avoid making those lesser choices. Saying “No” to ourselves is sometimes the best way to stay on the path to wisdom and becoming the Leader of Character we are all called to be. Question: When was the last time you wished you had said “No” to yourself? How could running your choices through your values and who you want to be have helped you make a better decision? Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – Why Most Leadership Training Fails
Something is missing in leadership training. We keep training on similar topics yet the evidence of change is missing. Maybe we should shift our focus to the cause of most leadership failures! Here is 85 seconds meant to make us think differently about training leaders. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
West Point’s 4th of July Prayer for Leaders
Forty years ago this week, I entered the United States Military Academy at West Point. We were the Class of 1988. In our first week, we had to learn the West Point Cadet Prayer. Jump forward to today. The Class of 2028 has begun their journey as part of the “Long Gray Line” and the West Point Cadet Prayer is still an important guide for today’s cadets. In honor of Independence Day and the men and women who serve allowing us the freedom to speak and to pray as we see fit, I would like to share The West Point Cadet Prayer. Before you read it, ask yourself: “What challenge does this prayer offer me? Whether you are a person of faith or not, this challenge is open for you. Duty – Honor – Country. These three core values of West Point have stood the test of time for the last two centuries. The West Point Cadet Prayer is used by graduates as a reminder of these and other values which are meant to form the character of our nation’s future leaders. I would like to welcome you to let this prayer challenge you as you and your family reflect during our nation’s holiday. The West Point Cadet Prayer “O God, our Father, thou Searcher of human hearts, help us to draw near to Thee in sincerity and truth. May our religion be filled with gladness and may our worship of Thee be natural. Strengthen and increase our admiration for honest dealing and clean thinking, and suffer not our hatred of hypocrisy and pretense ever to diminish. Encourage us in our endeavor to live above the common level of life. Make us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong, and never to be content with a half-truth when the whole can be won. Endow us with courage that is born of loyalty to all that is noble and worthy, that scorns to compromise with vice and injustice and knows no fear when truth and right are in jeopardy. Guard us against flippancy and irreverence in the sacred things of life. Grant us new ties of friendship and new opportunities of service. Kindle our hearts in fellowship with those of a cheerful countenance, and soften our hearts with sympathy for those who sorrow and suffer. Help us to maintain the honor of the Corps untarnished and unsullied and to show forth in our lives the ideals of West Point in doing our duty to Thee and to our Country. All of which we ask in the name of the Great Friend and Master of all. Amen” From our team to you and your family, Happy Independence Day! Dig Deep Question: How many different character challenges does this prayer present to you, your family or your team? What portion of the prayer challenges you the most? Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – Positivity and Eeyore the Organizational Terrorist
We all have seen Eeyore, the Organizational Terrorist, bring down the attitudes of everyone around them. In fact, we can all fall into that role if we aren’t careful. Here is 107 seconds on avoiding that trap and exercising Positivity. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – A Challenge to Introverts
If you are an Introvert, this 91 second video is for you. What is an introvert’s moral obligation when they are uncomfortable – especially as part of a team? Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
Why Do Leaders Lie on Performance Reviews?
“You can’t fire them.” “Why not?” “Because they have never had a negative performance review.” Ask any HR professional, and you will hear this story. It happens in businesses and in the public sector. A problem employee needs to be fired for the good of the organization, but it can’t be done. Why? Because that employee’s performance reviews say nothing negative about their performance. I always challenge leaders to look in the mirror and exercise Courage on performance reviews. But, the more I think about this situation, the more I realize that leaders who write good reviews for low performers are dealing with an Integrity issue. They are lying! There are actually three Habits of Character that we need to discuss in this situation: Courage: Acting despite perceived or actual risk. Integrity: Doing what is good, right, and proper, even at personal cost. Duty: Taking action based on my assigned tasks and moral obligations. Many of you have heard me talk about how Courage and Integrity are inseparable. You can’t have Integrity unless you have the Courage to take action. A leader is lying when they claim to want to lead a great team or that they want high performing individuals and then write a performance review that does not reflect someone’s true performance. That review is a fabrication. It is creative writing. It is a lie. Fear, discomfort, or lack of confidence will cause some leaders to shy away from writing a critical performance review. That is understandable. When you get to tell somebody they are an all-star and valued by the organization, that is a good day! But delivering a message about a person’s poor performance is not a good day for anyone. Unfortunately some leaders don’t deliver hard messages to employees because they are lazy. Preparing for those conversations, having the documentation to back up your assessment, and wading through the employee’s emotions when you deliver the message takes time and is not fun. This is where some leaders just do the easy thing instead of doing their Duty. They write a review that is average, not specific, and they may even cut and paste comments from other reviews. They don’t even try to do their Duty and make that person and the organization better. This is a leader who is just selfish and lazy – and that is sad. Whether it is a leader’s lack of Courage or their laziness that drives them to write good reviews for poor performers, this ends up being a breakdown in Integrity. The reviews are lies and everyone, including the poor performing employee is hurt by them. Here are some solutions for anyone with a poor performer and how to prepare for those reviews: Nobody should be surprised by what they hear at a review. Coaching should be happening throughout the review period. Keep notes with specific situations and dates when their performance fell short. If it is a big enough issue, coach and document the conversation immediately. Be proactive, not reactive. Involve HR early in the process so you have everything you need. Don’t wait until after the review and then ask HR to help you. Role play the review with a peer or HR professional before the actual meeting. Do not respond emotionally, even if the employee gets emotional. If you are prepared, the facts will be all you need. Sitting down and telling somebody the truth about their subpar performance is never fun. Exercising the Courage to do your Duty will preserve your Integrity as a leader. You will be making the organization, the person and yourself better. And you won’t be lying. Question: Do you know of people who are low performers yet have never received a poor review? Is it better for them to think they are doing well or know the truth? Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – This Week’s Character Clip June 4, 2024
Why do we choose to be selfish at work or at home? We can all fall into this vicious cycle of selfishness if we don’t pay attention. In the next 98 seconds, I share some hints on how to avoid the Selfish Cycle and emerge in the Selfless Cycle. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
Memorial Day Tribute to Donnie – KIA Operation Desert Storm
My best friend, Donnie Tillar, was the one who convinced me to go to West Point. Donnie was a year older than I was. Thanks to his persuasiveness, I joined my childhood friend at West Point as part of the Corps of Cadets. We both served in Operation Desert Storm. Every year, as Memorial Day approaches, I think about him. Because of his influence in my life, I want to share my Memorial Day tribute to Donnie. A Memorial Day Tribute Donnie’s Blackhawk helicopter was tragically shot down during the last hours of Operation Desert Storm. In February of 1991, Donnie passed away. Yet, it would not be until several weeks later that I received word, as we did not have the luxury email back then. My father, The General, was the one to let me know what had happened to Donnie. I kept a journal while I served in Operation Desert Storm. Below is an entry from my journal which I wrote on March 14th, 1991—the day I found out about Donnie. I was a young, brash and broken 25-year-old 1st Lieutenant in the Field Artillery when I wrote it. I shared this same journal entry at a memorial service I organized with some high school friends, back in May of 1991. I now share it every Memorial Day Weekend here. Memorial Day is a day reserved for our men and women who have died in service to our country. It is a day to thank those men and women and their families who have sacrificed so much so you and I have the freedoms we enjoy. In honor of Donnie and the other brave men and women of our country who died in the line of service, I want to share the following with you: Day 151 In Country 14 March 1991 Today, I cried. I screamed. I shook and a part of me died. I got a letter from Dad telling me Donnie Tillar had been killed when his Blackhawk was shot down over Iraq. The details are sketchy as to when and what mission he was doing. I’m just so shook up by the whole incident. Donnie and I go back to 7th grade. We were inseparable. He’s the closest I ever came to having a brother. Dad said he learned in Vietnam it was always the best ones who got hurt. Now, I know firsthand the true cost of war. In a way, I idolized Donnie. He could accomplish anything he wanted to. He was the best athlete I ever knew. He could play any sport. He was smart. He made the Dean’s List constantly at West Point without really seeming to try. He could dance. Man, could he dance. The ladies loved him. I loved him. I still do. When I heard the news, I couldn’t stop sobbing. I grabbed my Walkman and walked about 2 KMs. Then, for about an hour and a half, I just walked in circles. I yelled, I cried and I sang. I listened to the Rolling Stones Hot Rocks. Donnie loved The Stones. I sang at the top of my lungs, by myself in the middle of the Arabian Desert. I talked to Donnie as if he was there. After a while, my mind turned to our adventures together. I began to smile. Then, I found myself laughing and crying at the same time—if that is possible. I returned to my vehicle in a state of numbness. But, I began to tell everyone and anyone, Donnie and Dave stories. They just flowed out of me. There was the time when Donnie and I got his parent’s car stuck in the snow ON TOP OF THE SKI SLOPE. Then there was the time Donnie and I drove away on his motorcycle with a case of champagne after work at the Hotel Thayer. Donnie and me made trips to Stowe skiing and I thought of the hell we put his Dad through. And then, there was the story about how every time we’d go out together, Mrs. Tillar would roll her eyes when she found out he would be with me, while my mother did the same when she knew I’d be with him. Now the beat goes on. I will tell people about my best friend, Donnie Tillar, for the rest of my life. My first son will be named after a true hero and a true friend—Donaldson Preston Tillar III. I am going to have a party for him. In his honor, I want to gather his old friends and old loves together for a big blowout. He’d love to be there. But, he’ll be in a much better place. All we can do is raise our glasses and drink a couple for a man who touched all of us. A man with a penchant for fun. A man we will all miss. A man I will fondly remember as the brother I never had. Today, I have a 27-year-old son named: James Donaldson Anderson. He and his twin sister were born 6 years to the day (March 14, 1997) after I originally wrote this journal entry. In November 2012, Donnie’s younger sister Lani got married. I had the honor of officiating her wedding and being with her whole family. Donnie was there too. We all felt him. Remember our fallen heroes and their families. Not just on Memorial Day, but every day in your prayers.
VLOG – This Week’s Character Clip May 21, 2024
Our Integrity goes beyond avoiding doing the wrong things. There is more we must do to exercise our Integrity in crucial moments of testing. We need to say something when we see something. Here are my thoughts in 79 seconds. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – This Week’s Character Clip May 14, 2024
Most leaders talk too much! But what is the underlying issue behind talking too much? My dad, The General, had a simple message to me about that. If you have 69 seconds, here is his message to me and all of us. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
Your Lack of Self-Discipline – HALT
We need to stop and ask ourselves “Why am I about to choose something I know I will regret later?” People who know me are already questioning why Dave Anderson is writing about self-discipline. They’re saying, “This guy is going to tell us how to avoid giving into our urges! You have got to be kidding!” But, today I am going to talk about the struggle that many of us face. It is a struggle that creates problems for many good people. It is a struggle that causes us to gain weight and lose our cool. It is also the struggle that causes the poor choices that damage our reputations and more importantly our character. Let’s face it. There are some things in this life that feel good in the short term, but in the long run are damaging. A lot of those times, the things we choose are not bad in and of themselves. What is okay for one person, may cause another person to stumble. Those things are different for different people. Some people can stop after one scoop of ice cream or one beer. Others struggle in those moments. I am not a nutritionist or a psychologist. But there are moments when our willpower to avoid making bad choices will be running low. These are the moments when we should all pause before making decisions. In these moments, we give in to our craving for that last piece of cake in the fridge. And, these are also the moments we give in to our lower self. They are moments when we might want to snap at somebody, defending ourselves from a perceived slight. These are moments when the easiest path in the short term seems to be cutting a corner or omitting some information from a story. They are the moments when how we feel begins to determine whether we hold tightly to our character, or choose the lower version of ourselves. This is the version we don’t like later when we look in the mirror. HALT the Insanity An acronym that has helped me and helped other people avoid bad choices when they are tempted. That acronym is: H – Hungry A – Angry L – Lonely T – Tired When you look back on your own bad choices whether it be around the food you eat or the character choices you make, I bet these feelings were involved at those moments. Whether it is one of these feelings or a combination, they lower our defenses against bad decisions. When we are not Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, that doesn’t mean we don’t have the same temptations. It just means we are stronger in the moment of testing and more likely to win these battles for our character. Understanding and thinking through your current emotional and physical state, can prevent you from damaging your character with a poor choice. When our instincts are screaming at us to defend ourselves, or sacrifice our Integrity, or join in the gossip, we need to stop and ask ourselves “Why am I about to choose something I know I will regret later?” My dad, The General used to say to me, “Hey bud! If what you are about to say is your first instinct…Go with your second!” It is hard to have self-discipline when we are depleted emotionally or physically. At the moment we realize we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, our first instinct is the thing that we are likely to regret. The second instinct, after we eat, cool off, talk to a friend, or sleep, is probably going to be the best choice. Trust me. Self-discipline does not come easy to me. Maybe that is why they call it discipline. It takes attention and hard work. HALT is a great warning for any of us working on disciplining our eating, drinking, and our character. Question: When have you made a bad choice when you were Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? How could you avoid that same choice in the future? Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
VLOG – This Week’s Character Clip April 16, 2024
How do you get the Courage to have that hard conversation? It’s not by studying books on conflict. It is something much more practical than that. Here is 72 seconds to make your think. Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you. Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment. To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
