Negativity is a Habit You Can Break
A complainer, a downer, or a gossip is not a Leader of Character. How do you break the habit of being negative? Quit practicing it so consistently. The more practice you put into something, the better you get at that thing. If you practice playing the piano, you will get better at it. If you practice your golf swing, you will get better at that too. But if you practice the piano or your golf swing the wrong way, those bad habits become what type of pianist you are or what type of golfer you are – a bad pianist or a bad golfer. The same is true for your character. Specifically, your attitude will become a habit based on what you practice. If you consistently practice attitude the wrong way and build the bad habit of negativity, that bad habit will affect your character and become who you are – a bad leader or a bad partner. What type of attitude are you practicing? Do you practice negativity or Positivity? You are what you consistently do. Think about that. If you consistently complain, wallow in self-pity, or gossip about others, what have you become? A complainer, a downer, a gossip, but not a Leader of Character and not somebody others want to be around. Whatever attitude you choose, it will get easier to choose that attitude in the future. Negativity makes us more likely to choose negativity in the future. Your attitude is something you have the power to choose – no matter the circumstances you are facing. There are examples everywhere of people who chose Positivity in the midst of death, illness, or injustice. Their stories would be heartbreaking and make you angry if they had chosen to just complain, or focus on themselves, or point fingers. But those inspirational people chose a different path in the midst of their bad circumstances. They chose Positivity. Positivity: Displaying a positive or “Can do” attitude in all circumstances. The next time you get cut off in traffic. The next time there is a policy change at work. The next time you receive negative feedback from a supervisor or a family member, you have a choice. What will you choose in those circumstances? Positivity or negativity? If you want to break the habit of negativity, you have to start choosing a different attitude in the midst of the circumstances. It truly is up to you. The more you choose Positivity instead of negativity, the closer you will become to being that person and that leader other people want to follow – a Leader of Character. Question: What circumstances cause you to become negative? What path could you take instead?
Being Unreliable is a Habit You Can Break
Being unreliable is a habit. Duty is a habit as well. Whichever one you practice, it will become a habit. We all drop the ball sometimes. We forgot a Zoom meeting. We missed a voicemail. We forget to pick up the dry cleaning for our spouse. Nobody’s perfect. But there are certain people who are just flat out unreliable. Missing meetings, voicemails or chores isn’t just periodic. We expect it of those people. They make a habit of being unreliable. You can be unreliable in many ways. Sometimes we are unreliable in the things we are assigned or asked to do. Sometimes we are unreliable in the things we ought to do. Assigned or asked: Accuracy in administrative reports Vehicle maintenance checks and cleanliness Putting your dirty clothes in the hamper Ought to do: Coaching/mentoring younger employees Checking on the emotional/mental wellness of colleagues Cleaning up your mess after you make a sandwich at home It doesn’t matter if we drop the ball on an assigned task or what we ought to do; when we choose to avoid either, we develop the habit of being unreliable. Someone who makes these choices consistently will never gain the trust of their leaders, their peers, their subordinates, or their loved ones. Who trusts somebody who is unreliable? We trust people who exercise the habit of Duty. Definition of Duty: Taking action based on our assigned tasks and moral obligations. Duty is a critical Habit of Character because it truly is a marker for the rest of our character. If we exercise Duty on a habitual basis, we are probably exercising the other Habits of Character. Courage: You need Courage to have the tough conversations that leaders ought to have with those they are called to lead and develop. Humility: You need Humility to take the time that you ought to in order to listen to feedback and learn from others. Integrity: You need Integrity to uphold the standards you ought to enforce, even when it is a former peer challenging that standard. Selflessness: You need Selflessness when you ought to stop and listen to the problems of a teammate or a family member, even when you are tired or in a hurry. Positivity: You need Positivity when you ought to encourage everyone on your team or in your family, even when the S ___ hits the fan. Each time you choose to follow through on the things you are assigned to do and the things that you ought to do, you are strengthening the habit of Duty. Those consistent daily choices are what will help you break the habit of being unreliable. If you want to be trusted by the people you work with and the people you live with, you need to be reliable in both the assigned tasks and the moral obligations (the ought to’s). Most people don’t expect you to be perfect, but they do expect you to be consistent in exercising Duty. Being unreliable is a habit. Duty is a habit as well. Whichever one you practice, it will become a habit. Because the more you practice anything, it becomes a part of who you are and what type of leader you are. Would you follow you? Question: When have you been unreliable recently? What are some “ought to’s” that you need to practice?
Selfishness is a Habit You Can Break
The more you practice something, the better you get at that thing. There are some people who are really good at being selfish. They know how to always get what they want, have their needs met first, and make sure others are working for them. Selfishness is a habit. The more you practice selfishness, the more it becomes who you are. The more you choose yourself over others, the closer you get to becoming a selfish person. Who wants to have a selfish leader, a selfish co-worker, or a selfish partner in life? I know I choose selfishness too easily. If I am not careful, I will: Avoid a problem and hope someone else will deal with it. Leave the trash in the kitchen and hope someone else will take it outside. Talk about my family, my job, or my day without asking about the other person. Not truly listen to the other person because I am formulating my rebuttal. Do what is easiest for me at the moment, rather than serve the other person. It is easy to choose selfishness. Even my friends in public safety (fire and law enforcement) know this is true. These public servants consistently choose to put themselves on the line to serve their communities. They care for Mrs. Smith when she dials 911. They rescue people from burning cars on the freeway. They are selfless in these moments. But I always challenge them – “What happens when it comes down to how you treat each other? Or your spouse?” If you are not careful, it can be easy to choose selfishness with those we know the best. They get the worst of us. They get the selfish side of us. When you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, the people we care about the most receive our selfishness. The first step in breaking a bad habit is recognizing you have a problem. Once you exercise the Humility to look in the mirror and see you are being selfish, you give yourself an opportunity to choose something else – Selflessness. Selflessness: Putting the needs of others before my own needs, desires, or convenience. Putting others first is a habit. Each time we pause and make the intentional choice to serve that peer or loved one, instead of choosing ourselves or what is convenient, it makes it easier to choose to do so the next time. Selfish people practice selfishness. Selfless people practice Selflessness. The way you break your selfish habit is to choose Selflessness. The more you practice something, the better you get at that thing. The more you choose Selflessness, the better you get at Selflessness! It’s not rocket science, but it does require you to put in the effort and practice. Question: When have you been selfish lately? How can you change that in the future?
Being a Hypocrite is a Habit You Can Break
When something becomes a habit, you become that habit. Practice makes perfect! That is true whether you’re learning a new skill or refining an old skill. It is also true when it comes to exercising Integrity or exercising the opposite of Integrity – hypocrisy. Just ask any teenager. “What do you call someone who says one thing yet does another?” They are going to call that person a hypocrite. Most people claim to have Integrity. They also demand Integrity from their leaders, their spouses, and their children. But you have to be careful with making those demands on others if you are not practicing Integrity yourself. What do you call someone who talks about Integrity and demands it of others, but: Blames circumstances out of their control for being late with a project, yet they in fact procrastinated starting the project. Picks up their kids early from school, claiming they had a dental appointment, but they are actually leaving early for a family trip. Sees that the waiter did not include their dessert on the bill, yet says nothing. Claims to have high standards for a team, but does not correct the behaviors of a former peer. Lies for a friend who chose to break a policy and is trying to avoid punishment. Lies for a friend who is deceiving a loved one. When something becomes a habit, you become that habit. The more you practice a behavior it becomes like muscle memory. It becomes an automatic reaction, a habit that takes little thought. That is how many well-intentioned people become hypocrites. They know what hypocrisy looks like in others, yet they don’t see it in themselves. The way you break any habit is to begin practicing something different. You don’t get rid of a habit, you replace it with something else. Habits, like hypocrisy, can be replaced if you decide to make another choice instead. What we are talking about is Integrity. Integrity: Doing what is good, right, and proper even at personal cost. The more you choose Integrity, the less power the old habit of hypocrisy has on you. Each time you choose to admit a mistake, let the waiter know about your dessert, or put your Integrity before loyalty, it will get easier the next time. Your choices at the moment of testing will determine if you are a hypocrite or a person of Integrity – a Leader of Character. It’s your choice. If you are a person who wants Integrity from others but realize that you are practicing something less than Integrity yourself, you now have an opportunity. The good news is you can replace that old habit of hypocrisy with a new habit of Integrity. The same habit you expect of others. Question: Are you practicing Integrity at the same level that you expect of others? What will be the benefits if you start living up to those standards?
Arrogance is a Habit You Can Break
When someone practices golf, they become a golfer. When you practice arrogance, you become arrogant. How do the arrogant people we know become arrogant? Through practice. Nobody ever gets good at anything without practicing it. Football players are great players because they practice. Speakers are great communicators because they practice. And arrogant people are overbearing and tiresome because they practice. Here is something that we should all understand. Pride is in everyone. We are born with pride. Pride tells us that we should focus on ourselves and be worried about “me”. Pride fights a battle to control our choices and, therefore, control who we are becoming. The people who are losing that battle are the arrogant people. They listen to those voices and they consistently choose themselves over others. They make it all about themselves. They practice arrogance, and therefore they become arrogant. You are what you consistently do. Arrogance: Doesn’t listen to the opinions of others. Refuses to admit weaknesses or mistakes. Demands the spotlight. Wants all the credit but none of the blame. Sees other people as tools to achieve their own goals. Refuses to compromise. Hears feedback as an attack. Sees people with different opinions as inferior or stupid. Arrogance is the habit of letting your pride make decisions for you. The more you choose pride, the more likely you are becoming arrogant. Your habits, the good ones and your bad ones, are the result of your choices. Whatever you practice, that is what you become. When someone practices golf, they become a golfer. When you practice arrogance, you become arrogant. However, you can choose something else. You can choose Humility. No matter how long you have been choosing to listen to your pride, you can make a different choice starting today. By choosing Humility and practicing Humility regularly, you will become a humble person. We define Humility as believing and acting like “it’s not about me.” When you consistently choose not to make it about you, you are moving away from the habit of arrogance and choosing the habit of Humility. Each time you replace the old prideful choice with the new humble choice, you are choosing what Leaders of Character choose. Leaders of Character practice Humility and other people want to be around them and want to follow them. Question: If you had the choice between a competent, arrogant leader and a competent, humble leader, who would you choose? Why is Humility so inspiring to others?
Cowardice is a Habit You Can Break
You are what you consistently do. How do you become a coward? Through practice. Cowardice is a habit that can grab you and hold you back from becoming who you are called to be. Notice, I didn’t say fear is a habit. Everyone encounters fear. Fear is a reaction to perceived or actual risk that is meant to protect you from bad outcomes – like a lion eating you. Cowardice is when you let your fears control you. For example, when a perceived or actual risk enters your life, you habitually choose to listen to your fearful self talk – like somebody not liking you or your ideas. Cowardice: Stops you from trying something you aren’t sure you can do. Keeps you silent when other people are bad mouthing a co-worker. Pushes back against inevitable change. Chooses pleasant easy things. Chooses the easy way of the status quo. Allows a friend to stand alone. Cowardice is a habit. Similar to any habit, the more you choose it, the more it becomes who you are. The more you choose to smoke, the more likely you will become a smoker. You are what you consistently do. The good news is that the opposite of cowardice is Courage. We define Courage as acting despite perceived or actual risk. In his great book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg points out that you don’t eliminate habits, you replace them. My challenge to you follows Duhigg’s guidance. If you have been in the habit of listening to the voices in your head telling you to choose the safe, comfortable, or easy option then it is time to start a new habit. That new habit is Courage. Instead of practicing cowardice, start practicing Courage! The more you choose to exercise Courage in the moments where you used to choose cowardice, the easier it will get the next time you hear those fearful voices inside your head. One choice at a time, one day at a time, you will get better and better and no longer let fear make your decisions for you. You will walk away from cowardice and right into the habit of Courage. You are what you consistently do. You can check out our other blogs on Courage: Courage Blogs Question: What areas of your life have you let fear control your decisions? Where are you going to choose Courage this week?
VLOG – Loyalty versus Integrity – Which One Comes First?
There is a messed up understanding of what real loyalty is. That old understanding often causes people to sacrifice their Integrity out of “loyalty”. We have to change the definition of loyalty. Watch this 114 second video shares a better definition of loyalty that also upholds Integrity. FINALLY! Becoming a Leader of Character Audiobook is available on Audible. If you are an Audible user, then order it here: Order Audiobook on Audible You can also order on Spotify and Apple! Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple Audiobook sales have taken over for ebook sales. When we first published Becoming a Leader of Character in 2017, people were predicting ebooks were going to kill traditional hard copy print books. That didn’t happen. In fact, print books’ percentage of sales are very similar to what they were in 2017 when we first published. What has changed is that audiobooks have eaten away at ebook sales. Therefore, if you have been waiting on the audiobook version of Becoming a Leader of Character it is now here! You can get it on Spotify, Audible or any other major platform for audiobooks. While you drive or workout, marinate your brains in the Six Habits of Character – Courage, Humility, Integrity, Selflessness, Duty, and Positivity. Order now on your favorite platform: Character Counts! Dave Order Audiobook on Audible Order Audiobook on Spotify Order Audiobook on Apple
